Letting Go; Pain with a Purpose

The Pain

     Recently I had the sweet privilege of meeting a brand new missionary’s mom. A few days after Christmas her daughter, son in law, and one year old granddaughter will leave for the mission field. She is about to embark upon a difficult journey. The same journey that I began January 4, 2012. I have been where she is about to go. And because I was standing there in front of her, living and breathing (and smiling), she has reason to hope!

Flashback

    I remember that Christmas in 2011. We had enjoyed a Christmas for the memory books. All 17 of us (at that time) sharing, laughing, cooking, then snacking and overeating, watching White Christmas, Holiday Inn, Christmas in Connecticut, Muppet Christmas Carol (that’s just the short list). Oh, we packed as much as was possible into those few days before my son and daughter in law left for the mission field. We had a bulging album of pictures and memories before it was all said and done.

     But the dreaded day came, nevertheless! It’s strange how; yes we can feel pride for our children for answering the call to missions. But honestly, when describing the feelings I felt on that day when we stood on the porch waving our last goodbye, the feeling of pride evaded me.  I kept thinking about how life here was now going to happen without my son and daughter in law.  And their lives were now going to happen without us.

     Yet through it all, I never felt abandoned by God or that all of this was impossible for me to deal with. He was faithful in sending me to verses that addressed my pain. (like Psalm 30:5b, Weeping may be for a night, but joy comes in the morning) Verses like this and so many more empowered me to keep putting one foot in front of the other and breathing in and out consistently.

The Purpose

     My new friend has God’s faithfulness to look forward to (and so does anyone facing a similar situation). God’s grace will enable her to do the difficult things she will be called upon to handle. God’s word will guide her, lift her up, sustain her, comfort her, and bless her with peace that passes understanding.

     The beauty of it all is that by cooperating with God in the letting go process, we are being prepared to serve God more effectively. Our letting go serves a purpose! We are not hurting in vain. For the comfort we receive from God can serve to help others who are hurting as we have. 

 

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In the face of fear, God keeps His Word

 

   Today, I am dealing with a lot of temptations in the form of fiery darts. You know, negative thinking! Thoughts, that tempt me to fear for my dear ones living far away! So far, because of God’s marvelous grace and love, and because I have been counseled and tutored by the Holy Spirit on how to resist such temptations, fear and worry are being held at bay!

 

Fiery Darts: Satan’s Weapon of Choice, is a book of the lessons God taught me on how to resist negative thinking. You can order your copy by clicking on the following link:

http://www.certapublishing.com/FieryDarts

 

   Because of recent news reports, the enemy has upped the pressure in tempting me to succumb to the fiery darts of worry and fear for my loved ones. Therefore, I am faced with a  choice–give into the fear and worry, or resist them. I choose to resist them, of course! The plan of action is that every time these fiery darts of fear and worry attempt to gain entrance into my mind, I call on the power of God’s Word to turn them away. 

   Of course, this is not easy! The temptations are powerful! Therefore, I do what I’ve been trained to do:

 

1-Recognize the thoughts of fear and worry for the fiery darts they are

2-Resist them by calling upon God’s strength

3-Replace the fiery dart thoughts, with God’s Truth Thoughts from God’s Words

 

TRUTH THOUGHTS:

   For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

   Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

   No weapon that is formed against (my loved ones) will prosper. Isaiah 54:17 (my words in parenthesis)

   You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in you. Isaiah 26:33

   Do not withhold your mercy from (them), LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect (them). Psalm 40:11 NIV (my words in parenthesis)

   And you know, before I got finished writing this blog, I got a word from my loved ones that they are all okay. Things are tense there but they are okay!

GOD IS FAITHFUL

My God wins every time!

 

It’s a process, so hang in there!

 

The Original Six

     The above picture was taken only a few hours before our son and his sweet wife left to head toward a new land and a new life far, far away from us and all that was familiar to them.  You can’t tell by the smiles on our faces that our (especially mine) hearts were breaking. 

     Just a few months later, we welcomed a baby girl into our family as our youngest daughter was pregnant when her brother left. Oh the blessed distraction this little girl was during those struggling days. That was three years ago and since then a new grandchild has been born. But this time we didn’t get to jump into our car and travel to a nearby hospital. Instead, my husband and I jumped aboard a big ole’ jet and flew hours and hours to where our baby grandson, who was a little over a month, lived to hold him and rejoice with his mom and dad. That was a little over a year ago! 

     I compare my life of emails, phone calls, sparse video chats, and a singular visit with my son and his family now, to my life when my son and his wife left to live so very far away. You know, those first days (weeks, no months) there were times when I thought I just can’t do this–it’s just way too hard and it just hurts too bad. But here I am today, 3 years later and my heart has slowly grown stronger. Oh, it’s still painful. I see my little grandson growing up and knowing he has no idea of who I am or that I exist, yes that’s hard but God has equipped me to deal with that so that it doesn’t overwhelm me. 

     The peace that is constant and has been ever since my son first told me he was leaving is with me today, was with me then.  I think of dear young people I know who are heading off to distant lands to serve God and of the families that are having to release them.  Let me remind you, dear people, you can’t do this alone. You MUST hold on to God every minute because without His grace & mercy, the pain will overwhelm you.  Remember, the safest place on earth is in the center of God’s will, and that’s where you and your children must be firmly set. As you and they abide with God in the center of His will, you will be supplied with ALL that you need to see you through the initial goodbye’s and life to be lived apart.

     It’s a process but I speak from experience, it is worth every moment! If you are fresh to this process, I recommend that you go back and read my first blogs after my son left. I hope it will encourage you and give you hope, that your pain won’t always be so constant and will become more manageable. Camp down on the following verse:

Philippians 4:6-7New International Version (NIV)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Handling the Distance!

Let me just say, in response to the above statement:

IT’S NOT EASY!

This is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.  Nothing about this is easy – NOTHING!

 Every time I turn on the tv, my computer, or my phone, there’s some scary news event that just adds to my concerns for the well being of my long distance family.  

And let’s add to this the ever present dilemma of a humongous ocean separating me from my only son, daughter-in-law, and now my new grandson!  

And to make matters worse, there is no high-speed internet in my son’s home, so how often do you think I’m going to be able to video chat with them, or without it will they be alert to what’s going on in the world?

I could go on and on.  Any of you missionary parents out there or any parent who is separated in distance and time from their children are feeling my pain right now–right?  So, how do we handle the distance? (Without going crazy, I ask you!)  

HERE’S WHAT I WOULD RECOMMEND!

First Step:  ACCEPT REALITY!  No matter how much I might wish my son & his family lived here in the U.S.–the simple, truthful, undeniable reality is THEY DON’T!  No amount of wishing on my part is going to change that!  This is what God has called them (and I might add, me) to. THIS IS THE WAY IT IS!

Second Step:  PRAY! Pour your heart out to God.  Probably you should go find some secluded spot for this.  I’m serious!  Get by yourself and hold nothing back.  Unpack every dark and painful thought that lurks in your mind.  God won’t be surprised at anything you unpack. He knew it was there before you did.  

Third Step: GET OUT YOUR BIBLE! Now this is the part where God replaces what you unpacked with the thoughts He wants to pack.  The more you are in God’s Word the more you are going to be helped and guided by it.  For instances, with the attacks on American embassies and Americans that has been saturating the news recently, the fiery darts of fear have bombarded me.  Therefore, I’m camping down on any verse God gives me that has to do with His power to protect.  Psalm 91 is a powerhouse of a psalm to go to when you are concerned about a loved one’s safety.  I especially found helpful the prayer I found with this psalm at the address below: (I have modified the wording to fit my personal need)

http://www.missionariesofprayer.org/2010/11/psalm-91-prayer-hedge-protection/

Heavenly Father, I ask You to place a hedge of protection around them, and hide them  from the enemy, familiar spirits, any and all demon spirits, making it difficult, if not impossible for them to effectively track or trace them in the realm of the spirit. There shall be no perforations or penetrations to these hedges of protection according to your word in Psalm 91. I know that You will answer this prayer because I love You and I trust in Your name only.  I pray that Your blood Lord Jesus will cover them and all that You have given them.  That the enemy will not have access to what has been given to them. Thank you for your divine protection in Jesus Name, Amen.

Therefore, take every disturbing thought, every fear to God in prayer, then wait for Him to direct you to a verse that will address that particular issue.  And remember, don’t allow the enemy to steal what God has given you.  Unbelief, doubt, etc. are all tools the enemy uses (I call them fiery darts).  But God’s Words overpowers each and every dart–never forget that.

Let me wrap this up by saying:

Don’t expect life to be easy.  Know that it’s going to be hard.  (Betcha, already figured that out!)

Sending your children off to unknown parts of the earth, as far as I know, hasn’t got any easy ingredient in it anywhere!  So don’t be surprised when  you find it’s a bit overwhelming!

BUT KNOW THIS!

God’s plan is to equip you to handle what He calls you (and yours) to!

And with obedience comes lots and lots of joy and lots and lots of blessings! (Try focusing on that why don’t you!)

So wanna know how you can handle the distance that now exists since your child left for the mission field?

Philippians 4:6-7, “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”