Things I have learned (and continue to learn) along the way?

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When our children stand perched on the edge of our nest, ready to take flight towards their adult future, it’s a breath holding moment for parents. For you see, we have made that journey. And the memories (good and bad) still linger coloring our perspective of what our beloved children might encounter. We question ourselves. Did we do all that we could to prepare them to be successful in their new independence?

And then, coupled with the ominous effort of the ‘letting go’ process, we may question, if we will ever breathe normally again. It takes a mountain of strength to send our fledglings off and then again to let them go. Honestly, I don’t posses that measure of strength in and of myself.

Various phases such as graduating from high school, then college, then marriage, then grandchildren, or moving to far away states and even countries demands strength and wisdom beyond me. So, as a survivor of a quartet of various phases on both the sending off and the letting go; I have a few tips to pass along.

Here’s a sampling of those tips:

Acknowledging that the hill of my personal strength and wisdom were no match for the mountain of challenges I was facing.

Turning to God at every phase of my children’s journeys, gathering the tools that He would supply to meet these challenges. Praying for them, being foremost.

Asking for God’s wisdom in discarding the familiar garment of parenting for the unfamiliar garment of counselor. Thanking God for the grace of time. Time to allow God to school me in adjusting to my new garments.

Visualizing them walking towards God’s future for them; not walking away from me.

Learning to focus on what I have gained; not on what I have lost. And keeping my thoughts planted there. I was overwhelmed at times of how God enriched my life experiences via the path He called my children too.

Learning how to lend my full support even if their journey leads them further and further away from home. Tempering my prayers with “God’s will to be done, even over my will.”

Focusing on the incredible blessing of the technology God has provided, allowing my children and I to maintain a sense of connection no matter how far apart we may be.

Trusting God for not only the details of their future; but mine as well.


Accepting Reality

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   Now and then the separation gets to us. Just being honest here. Having moved well on down the path of this missionary parent journey, I have been empowered by God’s grace and mercy to accomplish the letting go process. “Yes, I can do this!” 

     But I’m learning that while I CAN DO this, it’s a process that is ongoing. It’s not a one time experience. Having to let go of my son and his family, did help me when the time came to also let go of two of his sister’s and their families. I had done it before, and I drew on the strength I was given then so I could do it again. 

     Yet time and time again the pain of missing my children and their families keeps reoccurring. Confession time, “I’m not a super Christian.” I see other families who live close to each other and sometimes I envy them. Yep, I do!

     However, what I keep coming back to is, “This is MY reality!” This is what God has chosen for me. My children have made their choices to leave, based on what God has called them to. 

     He has called them, therefore I MUST continue in letting them go! Not letting go will result in problems for them and for me. My unwillingness to release them, places me and them in bondage to my disobedience. 

     Not going to do that folks! Most days, I can accept my reality. But on those days when I am not so successful, I focus my thinking on God’s gifts. Gifts of children who love and obey God are at the top my list. I make a huge mistake when I compare my gift to the ones He has given others. Their gifts are not mine. My gifts are custom designed just for me. It’s important to remember that!




Obey and Release!

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   Twelve years ago my son left his homeland to serve God overseas. Since that time he has married, he and his wife have had two boys, and they are now living in their 4thforeign country.

   I began writing this blog when my son and daughter in law first left for Africa. I wrote it for a two-fold reason. As therapy for myself–it helps a lot to put my feelings into words. And to help other mom’s who might be facing the journey I was about to embark upon. I saw myself as a trail blazer for them.

   I am now in the 12thyear of this journey.  And experience has brought many things into it’s proper perspective.  I’ve had to learn how to get my ‘self’ out of the way! Not so easy to do my dear readers. For those first few days were a train wreck in intensity! All I could think about was the vastness of space and time that now separated my son and I. Yet, I remember coming to the realization that my son’s work could be positively or negatively affected by the manner in which I handled this separation. 

   I had to learn how to cooperate with God as He gave me the desire and power to do what pleased Him; not myself. When I did, I avoided the bondage of feeling cheated because I didn’t get to have my son and his family near me to enjoy and make memories with.  

    I have three daughters who up until recently lived in the same state with me. Now, only one daughter and her family live nearby. I have had to draw again and again upon those valuable lessons learned twelve years past as I released two daughters and their families to go and do God’s bidding. 

   It’s hard to do such releasing, but I don’t care to be miserable because my babes are too far away. It’s not easy to lay aside your personal pain. But if we let our pain become our focus, it will destroy us. It will also hamper the work God calls our children to. Instead, we can choose to enjoy the blessings and comforts God is so good to give us when we choose to obey and release!


Not Without God!

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   I grew up on a farm, with three other siblings. The cultural way of things was to grow up, earn a living, get married, and raise a family all within the confines of our place of origin. And that’s pretty much the way it played out, until I came along!

   In my early 20’s, God dramatically changed the course of my life. Leaving behind everything that was familiar to me, and stepping out in faith, I moved to a different city and enrolled in college. 

  Then surprisingly about 30 years ago, God lead my husband to pastor a beautiful local church near my parent’s home. During that time our girls headed off to the college my husband and I had attended. My son was preparing to farm (for we now lived on the farm where I had grown up) when he graduated from high school.

   One by one my daughters married and moved away from home. Although, I  released each of my children to serve God wherever He called them to, the release, nevertheless,proved to be painful. Then, as in my life as a young adult, God dramatically changed the course of my son’s life, eventually, leading him to Africa. 

   My spiritual background equipped me to do what my cultural background could not. I knew what it was like to leave the familiar behind to follow God’s call. As I released each of my 4 children, I drew upon those lessons learned in my young adult years. Did those lessons serve to make it easier on me to release my children? Nope, not at all! But the Truth’s of God’s word made it doable.

God gave me permission to hurt and cry out to Him in my pain.

His grace was poured out upon me and I received His peace.

Day by day He carried me until I could, with His strength, stand on my own.

I learned that no matter how hard it was, God would be there giving me strength.

   No matter how proud we may be of our children’s achievements, letting go of them is super hard. Therefore, we need to call upon something other than our own strength and will. I couldn’t have done it without God. I suspect you can’t either!

Just ask God!

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Our first send off!

   Getting use to (all over again) staying in contact via electronic media with my son and his family. With all that got thrown at me over the summer, I am beyond grateful that this was not the first send off for my son & his crew. I imagine it would have been overload for me.(But I’m pretty sure God knew that!)


Our unwelcomed visitor made a fatal decision the day it decided to crawl around the ceiling of our school room!

   At present they are caught up in a big training. However, it’s not taking place in the bush (remember those posts of my time in the bush during one of those trainings????? See above picture!) this time. This time the training is taking place in the village where the team’s basecamp is located. Not nearly as rustic and creature comfort deprived. 

Home Sweet Home!

   I share this because as I hear about their training, I can visualize them in their surroundings. I visited there in 2013 and became familiar with the surrounding physical features and quite a few of the locals. Especially the people they worked and lived with.

  God has been faithful to make it possible for me to make visits to where my children are. Years ago I prayed a prayer of release for my children to serve Him wherever He called them. I asked God to make it possible for me to visit them, if that led them far away. And He has done just that! 


   Financially, it would have been impossible for me to have come up with the finances for these many trips I’ve been able to make to be with my children. (Just returned from a visit with my daughter in San Antonio). Yet God made it happen!

   If your children wind up living quite a distance from you, I hope you will pray about visiting them. The memories made will sustain you when you are apart. For some of you, this will be a matter of traveling for a few hours here in the good ole USA; for others it will require an expensive airline ticket. Either way, it can present  a crisis of faith. The fiery darts of doubt attack and undermine our faith at times like these. But remember,  you have made a great sacrifice in releasing your children to God. Be assured He desires to bless you abundantly for your obedience. 

 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

So, just ask God and (oh yeah, make sure you have a passport ready if your travel demands)

Lessons from the past!


Bobby on the AT

Somewhere on the AT, Autumn of 2004

The Lanes Machu Pichu

Visiting with our son at Machu Picchu 2008


The night before my son was to set out to hike the Appalachian Trail, he informed me that in one year’s time he would be leaving for a two-year mission trip to South America. Admittedly, that was quite a jolt! For it had not been easy to process the fact that he was about to solo hike this 2,000 plus mile trek! Now, this 2 year mission trip????!!!! I was beginning to feel a bit (nope, I was a lot)overwhelmed,

until God gave me the following council:

   I am really big on making positive memories (hey, even when you are having problems you can handle it in a way that will make the memory a positive one) . I have been deliberate about it as I raised my children.  Therefore, when the time came to say goodbye to my son, I knew that I DID NOT want to look back over that year only to recall a downcast mother, sighing over being separated from her one and only son. God reminded me that if I would only but cooperate with Him, He would see to it that every moment I had remaining with my son would be memorable. I decided the smart thing to do was to cooperate with God so I would be able to look back on that time with joy as I recalled those memorable moments we shared. That would be the best remedy for the inevitable sadness that would come AFTER my son’s departure. 


   Now I realized I was to put that lesson learned 12  years prior, into practice in a way I had never expected. For here I am again, facing a situation all too familiar. My son, daughter in law, and two small grandsons are home for a short while (having returned from 4 1/2 years in a foreign country. The aftermath of that experience found its expression in this missionary’s mom blog). In about a month from now they will be leaving for my son to study abroad.

   Therefore, I don’t have a lot of time to make memories. So remembering the lesson from when my son was to leave for his first mission trip,  I realized I must not  waste a moment feeling sad over having to be separated from him yet again (only this time a daughter in law, and 2 grandsons are added to the mix). Experience has taught me the best remedy for the inevitable sadness that is sure to come once I have said good-bye is to have a store of joyous memories upon which to focus. 

Lessons learned from the past, continue to serve me well in the present.


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